'[E]njoy that baby shower, because it's the last time parenting will ever again be a party or a piece of cake.'
The next goddamn baby shower I get invited to is getting a set of over-crib, pastel nursery letters that spell out S H I T M A C H I N E.I think I'm going to start giving poster boards as baby shower gifts. They may not need them now, but they will LOVE me in 6-10 years.Sorry I got shitfaced at your baby shower and told you about how sexual I found George of the Jungle as a kid“Prepare for kids by getting as little sleep as possible and then release multiple feral animals into your home.
Congrats!”hello i’m at my best friend’s baby shower eating shrimp and talking true crime and murder so YES ABSOLUTELY involve me in your children’s lives*that's dumb, you're dumb, you'll never use thatAnd do you know why? Because👏🏻you👏🏻always👏🏻purchase👏🏻from👏🏻the👏🏻registry👏🏻only👏🏻*Uses finger to write TIME HEALS ALL WOMBS in the frosting of the cake at your...
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