Trying to talk kids out of their feelings doesn’t make them magically disappear. Quite the opposite. Here are some better ways to help sensitive children handle big emotions, writes clairejlerner
Expect big meltdowns with kids who are wired to be big reactors. You can't always prevent them.Less is more when kids are in meltdown mode. Don't try to problem-solve when your child is dysregulated., and have been overwhelmed with responses from parents. They are desperate for help to better understand what makes their kids tick and for tools to respond to them in the most loving and effective ways.
With this in mind, the following offers guidance on how to support these kids who are wired to register their feelings and experiences more deeply than others and who, thus, have a harder time adapting to life's transitions and challenges.Many parents feel they are doing something wrong and failing because they can't seem to prevent their children's epic meltdowns.
The problem is the expectation gap. This delta—between their expectations for their child, who is a big reactor, and their child's ability to manage her emotions—is a source of great frustration and despair. Once these moms and dads accept that: their child may have to melt down; that it is not their fault that the meltdown happened; and, that they can't prevent or stop the meltdowns, there is a great sense of relief.
Trying to talk kids out of their feelings doesn’t make them magically disappear. In fact, they usually get amplified and more likely to be"acted-out." When five-year-old Caleb's moms tell him not to be sad that they are going out for"date night", that he will have a great time with the sitter, Karly, he responds:"I Hate Karly! I am going to be so mean to her if you go out.", their feelings.
When we avoid or minimize our children’s feelings, we interfere in this process. We send the message that we are uncomfortable with their difficult emotions and don't want to hear about them. This makes it less likely children will share their feelings with us, depriving them of a chance to express and work them through.
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