4 factors that can put someone at greater risk of being gaslighted
Perhaps the greatest vulnerability is experiencing gaslighting in childhood and not recognizing it, not even as an adult. This sounds counterintuitive but in the research for my new book,, one anecdotal finding that emerged, again and again, was the normalization of verbal abuse in the family of origin in all of its forms, including gaslighting. This was Elle, now 38, and her experience:
"As I got older—let’s say 9 or 10—and I started to call my mother out for the nasty things she said to me and about me, she’d tell me that she’d never said that or that I was given to ‘making things up.’ It became a family activity— as in, ‘Oh, that Elle has such a vivid, always seeing and hearing things that aren’t there’—with my brothers joining in. It was hurtful, of course, and made me insecure about my perceptions but I didn’t see it as abusive.
Elle was lucky in that she was only 28 when she recognized both the abuse and the damage it was causing. Many adults are much older when they finally get off the “normalizing” train.This is something the gaslighter knows about it and he or she stands ready to exploit it. The gaslighter will tell you that you’re mishearing his or her intention or that you can’t take a joke or that you’re simply imagining whatever situation you find yourself in.
Gaslighting is just one form of verbal abuse but the bottom line is this: Verbal abuse is never okay.
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